“Where Have All the Arcades Gone”

No this isn’t a new song by Paula Cole…she’s still wondering where all the cowboys went…well at least I think she is, I haven’t really heard much from her lately.

Anyway…picture it, Sicily...oh sorry wrong picture it. Actually it was New Jersey during the 80's, but Sicily sounded so much better.

Okay, picture it New Jersey…

Arcades were the place to be, gamers actually get together to play games and hangout…there was real psychical contact between the players and not just an invite to join a multiplayer match and/or a notification that he/she was online.

We played together and against each other, the whole time never teabagging one another and/or shooting up the place because we lost at a game. There was lots of competition, trash talking and momma jokes but when all was said and done we were still all friends.

We didn’t need headphone and mics to play multiplayer, because the people we were playing with were right next to us…I know that’s a scary thought for you “life noobs” out there, but trust me it’s wasn’t that bad. We caould laugh at what people said with having to say LOL and we could step away without having to say BRB.

Back then we didn't have the technology we do today when it came to home gaming, not that our systems weren’t great for the time, but for the most part when it came to graphics you couldn’t tell the difference between an enemy and a bush and as far as gameplay was concerned it was all about timing nothing more.

If we wanted to play the latest games with the best graphics you had to head to the local arcade with a pocket full of quarters and a handful of Pixy Stix (because there was no such thing as energy drinks back then).

I know with today's technology it's hard for arcades to compete, but they were a lot of fun and an incredible experience. It’s unfortunate that most so-called arcades of today have full grown adults running around in costumes serving pizza to kids and/or they have like three machines (two of which are Pac-man and Ms. Pac-man) that they try to pass off as an arcade…what a shame.

Now I know that there are a few places around where you could go to get your gaming fix, but for the most part they are just a not what they used to be, they are a pale shadow of their former selves, nothing like they were back in their glory days. Kids today heard of them but never really seen one just like the dinosaurs, fresh air and girlfriends.

There was glam rock playing in the background, the stench of hairspray and Old Spice in the air and jean jackets and mullets all over the place, but boy was it a blast. What a pity that you gits of today will never experience the phenomenon known as the arcade, you have no idea what you’re missing out on.

MJM

"Walkthroughs, Strategy Guides and/or Any Other Means of Help…"

Am I the only one who doesn't like to use walkthroughs, strategy guides and/or any other means of so-called help (**cough** cheating **cough**) when playing video games? Playing video games using methods such as these is like being a professional wrestler, sure you’re in the match but when all is said and done did you really accomplish anything worthwhile…besides manhandling another sweaty dude in his underwear.

Now I'm talking about on my first play through, the second time around, have at it and cheat like Tiger Woods did on his wife...or like the Republicans did in the 2000 election. I kid Republicans; I really love you, so please don't axe me...or leave me hanging like a chad!

I just like to play and beat the game on my own; it feels like I actually accomplished something when I do. I know there are people who claim it enhances the overall experience, and to those people I would say bull donkey (sorry for the profanities) you are just lazy, impatience and a girlyman (I can be pretty scrappy when I’m behind a keyboard).

I just never saw the reason, it's kind of like reading the book then seeing the movie...there's just no point. Honestly I don’t get the whole “reading” thing in the first place…not when there’s perfectly good movies out there…but to each their own I guess.

If you don’t want to play the game the way it was intended to be played, then why don’t you just watch someone else play from the sidelines…you can be the waterboy and/or even the cheering section. Think about it, it would be like watching a movie…you could have your bucket of butter-drenched popcorn in your lap and a super double gulp Mountain Dew by your side while you watch all the fun play out, and you wouldn’t even have to worry about getting the controller all greasy.

I'm not trying to condemn anyone who prefers this method, it's just not for me...so please don't hate me for my opinion…or beat me up. As far as I’m concerned playing this way is like an unsharpened pencil…it’s pointless.

Another thing, the games of today award players achievements/trophies when they do something special in the game (for the most part anyway), so by using a guide and/or some other form of cheat kind of makes me feel like Milli Vanilli...or better yet Mark McGwire. Now I know people would be none the wiser when they checked out my achievements/trophies lists…but I would know and that’s all that matters.

MJM

“Video Games…the Superior Form of Entertainment”

Video games…the superior form of entertainment…and this is coming from an unbiased diehard hardcore gamer…so you better listen up and take notes people.

I personally enjoy a good video game to a good book/movie most of the time…and I know I can’t be alone in this.

Don't get me wrong I do enjoy a good movie/book every now and then but when it comes right down to it I would rather be playing video games in my down time than watching a movie or reading a book.

There's nothing like playing a good video game, and I'm not talking about games like Pong (even though Pong does rock), I'm talking about "AAA" titles such as Skyrim, The Last of Us and Bioshock Infinite. These games and many others will hook you in like as if you were a largemouth bass and they were a tasty little worm dancing on the end of a fisherman’s hook.

They will take over your life and make you their bitch…they are the drug and you are the addict…is it a healthy lifestyle, probably not…but what the heck you only live once. Forget marihuana, video games are the gateway dru....I mean medium…once you try them you’ll be serving them as your lord and master.

It's like a book and movie rolled into one, you get the visual appeal and the excitement of a movie and you get transcended into the games virtual world like you would if you were reading a book…what more can you ask for.

People also get deeply involved with their video games and emotionally attached just like as if they were a significant other, granted this relationship is more of one that you would see on an episode of COPS or Jerry Springer, but nevertheless it’s the truth.

You just don’t see people yelling and/or screaming at a book/movie and throwing it against the wall out of frustration like they do with video games. Now I’m not saying it wouldn’t be funny to see someone nerd rage over a Harry Potter book…but in all realty I just don’t see that happening. Readers are like hippies and gamers are like cavemen.

Of course there are times when I feel like sitting back and watching a good movie, full of action and hot actresses with huge weapons of mass distraction (and no I don’t mean pornos) just like any other red blooded American male…but the majority of the time I would rather be sitting on the couch with the controller in my hand killing some zombies or saving princesses.

To me a long movie can be torture, especially if it doesn’t have superheroes and/or lots of explosions in it, but I can play a video game for hours without even blinking an eye and/or getting up to drain the lizard or drop off the kids at the pool.

If movie theaters were smart they would drop the movies and start letting people play video games on those big screens…they would make a killing. They would also have to change up the food at the concession stands, forget popcorn and Milk Duds, we want stuff like Purplesaurus Rex, Blue Razz Berry Blow Pops and S'mores Pop Tarts…at least I do.

Now when it comes to books…to be honest, unless they have pictures (preferably of the nudey kind) I would rather pass. I’m not hating on books or anything…you won’t find me burning any of them on my front lawn…I just don’t have the patience for them and their words…thinking they’re better than me just because they can use words over five letters and crap.

So it goes without saying that books aren’t really my thing…now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I have never read one that I enjoyed, but for the most part I would probably have more fun if I used the pages to make paper airplanes and fortune tellers.  

If you’ve never tried playing video games…and I mean seriously playing video games, not just playing Farmville and/or Mafia Wars on Facebook and/or some game on your cell phone…then you don’t know what you’re missing. You are missing out on a lot of fun and you should really be ashamed of yourself (how’s the virtual peer pressure working on you).

I know it sounds crazy but what can I say, I'm a few eggs short of a dozen....as we all know.

MJM

“My Favorite Console of This Generation is…”

I have a lot of people asking me now that this generation of consoles is coming to an end, which one was my personal favorite…well okay no one really asked me that…I just figured I would tell you anyway.

I’ve been a Nintendo fan from day one…even held out on buying a Playstation one and two (when they were the cool things to have) just to support the big N and their N64 and Gamecube. Link, Mario, Samus…I loved them all…I even used to dream about being Mr. Aran (of course I would take her last name because she can kick my ass) when I grew up.

Then along came the Wii…a lot of fun at first…but shortly after my hundredth game of bowling it kind of got old and stale…like what happens to a fruitcake after Christmas. I don’t know…it may be because I’m lazy…but the whole motion control gaming thing was a novelty that way over stayed its welcome…and even in some case made a game that should be fun and relaxing a whole lot more work than necessary.

Now I’m not hating on the Wii or anything like that…it had its moments and its fair share of good games…but needless to say it wasn’t my favorite console from this generation.

Next console to be voted off of cyber island would have to be the Xbox 360. Just like with the Wii…I didn’t hate the 360 but it did leave little to be desired…at least for me anyway. Its exclusive didn’t really do anything for me…at least not their “AAA” exclusives like Halo, Fable and Gears of War…they were fun and all but just not my cup of tea.

Gears of War felt as if I was playing as the jocks that used to beat me…or um I mean the nerds up back in school. I spent more time letting the enemies kill me just so I could watch those ‘roid heads die. I know that sounds sadistic and even borderline nuts…but what can I say, I just looked at it like reverse cyber bullying with me on the giving end of a serious butt kicking.

Halo…not a bad game per se…I mean the single player campaign was decent…but the multiplayer component made me want to smash my face with a hot iron then soak it in alcohol. I know some would say just don’t play online…but then you’re missing out on all the fun…or so I thought.

When playing online I get smoked like a cigar all the time…and not because I suck…well okay it is partly because I suck but the other part is because people are bouncing around all over the place like as if they were in one of those bouncy houses at a kids birthday party.

I didn’t like those stupid things when I was a kid (because I was never invited to anyone’s party who had one…or anyone’s party who didn’t have one for that matter)…so why would I want to play in one now…especially with weapons blasting and people who are trying to kill me dead.

Then of course when I “make my team lose” I get cussed out by people who sound like they just sucked the helium out of a balloon…oh so much fun. What kind of sadist am I, to pay for people to freak out on me and tell me that I am a loser…I can get that for free just by going over to my parents’ house.

Now for Fable…well my momma used to tell me if I can’t say something nice then don’t say anything at all…so onto my number one…

Which of course, due to the process of elimination is obviously OnLive…what a true diamond in the rough…what a real hidden treasure…what an honest to goodness piece of poop.  What a joke of a system that was…now I don’t know whose bright idea that was, but they should be beaten with a wiffleball bat.

My number one is the PS3 of course…my only real friend…it’s such a head ripping off shocking trash people alien shooting good time. I had a blast with the PS3…so many great memories, fun times and off the chain nerd rages. Honestly if it was possible to marry an inanimate object I would so become one with the PS3…I think she has a hot disk slot huh huh.

I loved Sony’s exclusives this generation…they were lots of fun and very entertaining…even if some of them were ideas taken from Nintendo games. They made sure to have all their bases covered; there was a little bit of everything for everyone, from action adventures to RPGs...they did their best to not leave anyone feeling neglected.

I also enjoyed the cast of characters that showed up in these games…I thought they were interesting and a blast to play…very memorable and unique in their own way. Sony’s character lineup is second only to Nintendo’s in my book…and with each passing generation they’re getting closer and closer to being my new number one.

I am also a fan of their hardware; the operating system is very easy to use and straightforward, I don’t know maybe it’s because I’m old and my senses aren’t what they used to be, but I enjoyed it. The controller is my favorite of this generation mainly because it hasn’t really changed all that much since it first came into the game…which again, is great for old timers such as myself.

Well there you go people…my number one…so what do you think?

MJM

“I’m a Cyber-Hoarder”

When it comes to games like Skyrim and Fallout, I have a problem…I’m a cyber-hoarder. Now this may not seem like a big deal to some…but I know it’s not a good thing…and to a certain extend it hinders my gameplay experience.

I find myself looting everyone and anything I can get my grubby little hands on…taking things I don’t need and most likely will never use. I take so much crap that my guy can’t even run…he’s walking along like a snail…and very well equipped snail…but nevertheless still a snail.

I’m killing everyone I come across…friend or foe it doesn’t matter…because when they’re lying on the ground dead I can loot them and that’s all that matters. Am I sick…maybe…am I crazy…most likely…but do I have a lot of fun while doing it…heck yeah I do.

I also make sure to have a dwelling in these games…and not so that I am protected from the elements and the dangerous that lurk…but so I have a place to store my stuff. I find that I spend just as much time sorting through my stuff…as I do playing the game…and that is not good.

I got chests, dressers and closets full of useless crap…some of which is really cool and probably would have been a lot of fun to use while playing…but oh well at least I had it all stored away nice and safe…all thanks to my stupid obsession.

You want to know how bad I have it…I’m even carrying and storing things I know have absolutely no use and/or value whatsoever…things like eating utensils, random clothes and even empty bottles. I even have a special place for this stuff in my dwelling...it’s like the junk drawer in the kitchen…and I’m ashamed to admit it’s full.

What am I to do…I know they have TV shows for real life hoarders…but what about us cyber-hoarders…where can we go for help!? Is there a YouTube channel, Facebook or even a MySpace that can help people like me…or am I just out of luck?

How can someone overcome this obsession…there are so many cool gadgets, gear and weapons to collect in these games and I want it all…even if I don’t use any of it. I know some would say just stop…but that is a lot easier said than done. Some may also say to not play games like Skyrim and Fallout…and my response to them would be, “yeah right”…these games freaking rock.

I guess I will just continue down the path I’m on…regardless of how destructive it is. I know I’m wasting a lot of time by playing this way…but I’m okay with that…because when all is said and done it is actually a lot of fun. Don’t ask me why…because I don’t know…it just feels right.

MJM

"Buried Treasures"

Now that the next generation of consoles is right around the corner…it’s time to make sure you played every game worth playing from this generation before moving on to the latest and greatest. There are a lot of hidden gems out there…across every platform…from arcade racers to first-person shooters (FPS) and everything in-between...and if you haven't played them shame on you.  

These games are worth playing…and at the cost…totally worth picking up. Some of these games you can get for next to nothing…which if you ask me, is a good thing…especially considering all the value you’ll receive by playing them.

Now I’m not saying these will all be “AAA” titles…with beautiful graphics and Hollywood caliber stories…but I am saying for the current price they would be an awesome gaming experience worth having and a great addition to any collection. Believe it or not...amongst all those "AAA" games out there...there are so really good games that didn't get the recognition they deserved...buried treasures if you will.

Here are some first-person shooters that are really good…and just remember that a game doesn’t have to have “Call of Duty” in the title for it to be worth playing…not hating on Call of Duty…just saying.

Singularity

Duke Nukem Forever

Syndicate

Bulletstorm

The Darkness 2

Like action-adventure games…with lots of bullets flying and sword slashing fun that delivers an adrenaline pumping good time…well then check out these titles.

Vanquish

Binary Domain

MadWorld

No More Heroes

No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle

Sin and Punishment: Star Successor

Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad

Looking for a little more story with your hack and slash and/or bullet popping fun…then check out these titles.

Muramasa: Demon Blade

The Saboteur

Asuras Wrath

Deadly Creatures

WET

Dark Sector

Shadows of the Damned

Enslaved: Odyssey to the West

Dishonored

What about arcade racers…you like them…you know the ones that aren’t trying to be all about the graphics and the cars and less about the gameplay.

Split/Second

There are even some really good superhero movie tie-in games...I know crazy right.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Captain America: Super Soldier

Now I’m sure there are more hidden gems out there…but these are only the titles I’ve played and that I feel didn’t get the love (or the sales) they deserved.

MJM

“Unfinished Business…What's Going on Here?”

I have played a lot of video games throughout the course of my life and honestly I can't recall that many games with such noticeable glitches and/or bugs as I can today…now I'm not saying there wasn't any (so put away your can of whoopass and holster those light guns)…just that they were few and far between and for the most part they didn’t hinder the overall experience.

Before the idea of having a constant internet connection came along, which allowed developers a direct link to your system; it seemed as if they kept the games on the burner until they were completely done or at least as close as possible.

Now though, it seems as if they release games before they should…with the thought they'll just patch up any issues later. This philosophy may work well for the publishers but unfortunately it leaves the games with a bad taste in their mouth.

Obviously not all games with glitches/bugs fall into this category, there are some that just slip by the quality testing peeps and unintentionally make it to the sales floor. However, there are some that seem as if they just get thrown out with the idea that they will just be fixed later at the gamers expense.

Bethesda’s games are a great example of this…I would recommend to anyone playing one of their games to save…and to save a lot…because there is nothing more frustrating than being in the middle of a game and running into one of those said glitches/bugs and having to restart everything you just did…talk about nerd rage.

There also doesn't seem to be a sense of urgency on the developers part to release the patches to fix the said issues at hand either…sometimes it takes weeks, months or even in some extreme cases years.

I don't know if they're not aware of these issues until it's pointed out…or if for our $60 we're buying a beta which we are the testers for…to make the games more enjoyable for those people who’ve decided to wait on picking it up when it’s first released and just buy it later on down the road…who knows…I guess like Guns N' Roses said, “All we need is just a little patience”.

I know with the advancement of technology and of course the margin of error for the human involvement, it's not an easy task to make a perfectly polished game. However, I don't think it's asking too much that a $60 game be playable from the moment you take the shrink wrap off either.

MJM