“Freaky Frankenstein”

Now in real life I have a hard enough time scoring with a blow up doll, let alone a real chick, and a hot one at that, but just for this piece I am traveling to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe, think of me as Mister Rogers jacked up on Viagra, so now just sit right back as if you were Gilligan and you'll hear a tale of morbid perversion and the things that wet dreams (or nightmares depending on how you look at it) are made of.

It’s the end of the world as you know it, you are the sole survivor, and all you have is the clothes on your back and a book by the one and only Dr. Frankenstein simply titled, “Building Your Perfect Companion”.

A bomb went off that left everyone literally “resting in pieces”, body parts are scattered everywhere and they are ripe for the picking, you have the perfect opportunity to create your dream girl/guy without any restraints and/or criticism from others, so have at it.

Celebrity, athlete or just some hot person you knew in your everyday life before shit went down, no one is off limits and everything is up for grabs, think of it like a smorgasbord of body parts and you’re building a meal that will leave your taste buds in ecstasy.

Me personally I’m an everything man, if it’s part of a woman I’m loving it, just like McDonald’s baby, I know some men (and lesbians) say they are an ass person, a breast person, etc., well I say screw all that noise I love it all.

I was thinking I would go with Beyonce’s lower half for my sexy monster, for obvious reasons, but then I remembered that she’s been with Jay Z, and with me being so white that I’m almost transparent I knew I would have little to no chance of pleasing her as a result of that, so I decided against it…even after the apocalypse a man has to worry about his performance people.

My next choice was the lower half of Jennifer Lopez, who we all know has some really nice assets (huh huh), this chick was the reason God created legs and asses, not trying to sound sacrilegious here, just stating the truth.  

Now for the torso, and my choice would be the ever so voluptuous Kat Dennings, who might I add has some of the most beautiful silicone weapons of mass distraction I have ever seen, and J Lo’s dancer legs would have absolutely no problem holding those massive melons up.

Finally for the head, whose head would I be okay with looking at for the rest of my days, and my choice would be the hat rack of Michelle Pfeiffer, I mean the chick still looks hot after all these years, and that’s what you would want a dome that ages well.

Of course my freaky Frankenstein would need to get a tan to complete the package, but besides that, she would be ready to go and a nice piece of manmade arm candy.

Okay, your turn, whose body parts would you use to build your perfect beast?

MJM