“WWE WrestleMania 31 Breakdown”

Considering that I’m a wrestling fan, been so since the 80s (What’cha Gonna Do Brother), and considering that WrestleMania is this weekend, their biggest pay-per-view of the season, I decided I should write about it and share my thoughts.

We all know it’s fake and scripted, kind of like politics, but it is still a lot of fun, at least to me it is.

Here’s my rundown of all the matches and my thoughts as to who will win each match and why.

Kickoff Pre-show: Fatal 4 Way for the WWE Tag Team Titles: The Usos vs. Los Matadores vs. Big E and Kofi Kingston vs. Cesaro and Tyson Kidd:

The only tag team in this match I care for are The Usos, I think they are incredible performers with a lot of talent.

I don’t see them winning the match though, it just doesn’t seem like it would be “best for business” as The Authority would say.

With the Usos out of the mix, I don’t really care who wins this one, because I’m just not a fan of any of the three teams left.

However, if I had to pick I would say let Cesaro and Tyson Kidd keep the titles, Los Matadores and Big E/Kofi Kingston wouldn’t be all that exciting, not hating just saying.

Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal: Konnor, Viktor, Kane, Big Show, Darren Young, Titus O’Neil, Jack Swagger, The Miz, Ryback, Curtis Axel, Fandango, Adam Rose, Zack Ryder, Erick Rowan, Sin Cara, Damien Sandow, Goldust, Mark Henry, Heath Slater, plus others TBA:

This match I see as a launching point for a Kane/Big Show feud in one corner, and in the other, a Miz/Damien Sandow feud.

Something they can play with on Monday night, and in the upcoming weeks, setting up for some big matches for their next pay-per-view.

The winner, I’m seeing Sheamus returning and winning the whole thing, why because stoned Mele says so!

WWE World Heavyweight Title Match: Brock Lesnar vs. Roman Reigns:

I think Lesnar will win this one, mainly because he’s the bigger name of the two, but I really hope I’m wrong because we really do need a new champion.

We need someone who will show up more often than Lesnar, he shows up less than a toothbrush in a trailer park does.

I must admit, I do have a bad feeling that Reigns will win and then Rollins will cash in his Money in the Bank contract and take it from him, an unnecessary twist that would be as lame and as predictable as Batista winning the 2014 Royal Rumble.

However, considering that the WWE Universe wasn’t all that pleased about Mr. Reigns having this opportunity in the first place, I can really see that happening…can you smell what I’m cooking.

WWE United States Title Match: Rusev vs. John Cena:

This one is playing out kind of like the Hulk Hogan/The Iron Sheik matches did back in the 80s, and unfortunately I think the end result will be very similar too, with Cena (the super patriot) coming away with the WWE United States Title.

Nothing all that thrilling here, a match made just to have Cena on the card to make all his “Cena Sucks/Let’s Go Cena” fanboys/girls happy and willing to shell out $9.99 for the WWE Network, not hating just saying.

…and please bring back Lana for this match, we um er miss her or something.

WWE Intercontinental Title Ladder Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper vs. Stardust vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Bad News Barrett:

I’m thinking this is the WWE’s way of making up to their fans for the fact that Daniel Bryan didn’t win the Royal Rumble and go on to face Lesnar in the main event, but I do hope I’m wrong here.

I personally love Dean Ambrose, I think he is one of the most entertaining wrestlers to come along in quite some time, and with that said, I truly hope he wins and comes away with the title.

This is probably the match I’m most looking forward to, it just screams excitement and I’m positive it will be action-packed.  

Sting vs. Triple H:

I’ve been a fan of Sting since he first hit the scene back in the day, there was just something about him that drew me in.

During the Monday Night Wars I actually preferred WCW to WWE thanks to the whole NWO/Sting storyline, as I’m sure many of us wrestling fans did.

I hated the fact that when WWE won the war, he didn’t move over to WWE after the demise of the WCW, I could only imagine the great matches that we could have seen if he did.

I was such a fan of his that I actually, and very shamefully admit to, watched him on TNA, if that doesn’t prove my loyalty I don’t know what does.

I must say though I do like the angle they are working here, and I really hope that Triple H doesn’t win just because he is the company man, but considering some of the writing as of late I’m thinking that is exactly what we will see.

AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins:

There’s a whole lot of sexy going on here, throw in some nighties and pillows and you’ll have every man’s wet dream.

In all seriousness, I want to see AJ Lee and Paige come away with a win here; I like their “Skip to my lou my crazy” and “The Glampire from across the ocean” gimmicks.

Nothing against The Bella Twins, I just don’t see what the big deal is about them; I think they’re a little overrated.

You can keep your Brie Mode nonsense.

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton:

I enjoy Rollins; he makes a great heel, is an incredible wrestler and has awesome mic skills, but unfortunately because of how they choose to use him for Raw/ SmackDown, basically ramming him down our throats as if was Wild Bill and we were Monica Lewinsky, I’m tired of him.

Honestly I wouldn’t mind if he started keep Lesnar’s hours.

Let Orton win, allow him to beat Rollins down and make him his bitch as he promised, and then down the road he could make a huge comeback and win the WWE World Heavyweight championship.

We all know that this won’t happen though, especially considering that he’s Mr. Money in the Bank, but a fan can dream can’t he.

If anyone from the writing staff of the WWE is reading this, please hear my plea and get rid of J and J security, they seriously suck.

Do we want to see them gone? Yes! Yes! Yes!

Bray Wyatt vs. The Undertaker:

This is a match I’m really not looking forward to, and not because I don’t like the talent involved, because that couldn’t be further from the truth, but rather because I think it’s a match they threw together just to get Wyatt over.

With The Undertaker’s streak being broken at last year’s WrestleMania, there is really nothing left for him to fight for, so why not let Wyatt (the young blood) win and make a name for himself?

I’m not against a younger superstar getting a push, especially when they’ve earned it (i.e. Wyatt), but not at the expense of a past superstar who is way past his prime and should be kicking back and relaxing in Death Valley sipping on a Mai Tai.

Hopefully it’s not one of those Wyatt gets disqualified for acting a fool and no one really wins or loses, at least as far as the record books are concerned, because I really hate those kinds of matches.

The End

Well that’s all he wrote people, let’s hope for a great show and not a massive disappointment.

And remember kids, say your prayers, take your vitamins and you will never go wrong.

Oh yeah, don’t try this at home; I’m a trained professional.

MJM