“The Teabag Party”

“Do you feel lucky punk” is a phrase that best describes my play style when it comes to multiplayer games such as Call of Duty, Halo and Battlefield, and not because I’m a badass like Dirty Harry, but rather because I do feel lucky when I get a kill and/or don’t get killed myself.

I play like I am Elmer Fudd on crack, I stroll around the map hunting the opponent like as if they were Daffy Duck and when I finally find them I shoot like a spaz, wasting a whole clip in the process and hitting everything but him/her, then to add insult to injury they kill me with a knife while I’m reloading.

I use any weapon that I believe will give me a fighting chance, even if it means getting nasty messages from other players after the match ends telling me how I suck and should be killed in a horrible car accident for being “cheap”, and that is even with a record of one kill and twenty-seven deaths under my belt.

I don’t know what to do, I’m too impatient to be a camper, and I can’t shoot worth shit to be a sniper, so I just roam around the map aimlessly like a senile old man in the electronics section of Walmart looking for a VHS copy of a John Wayne movie hoping to get a kill or two.

During the match I would hear my so-called teammates heckling me, like as if I was the court jester and they were the king’s court, they would be yelling at me for constantly dying and at the same time laughing it up about how bad I was playing, it’s not easy being a noob in this day and age.

I have been teabagged more times than I can count or wish to recollect, I have been cursed out by people than a meter maid and my mom has gotten busy with just about everyone in cyberspace, but you know what it’s a heck of a lot fun and I wouldn’t miss it for the world.

I know what you’re thinking, why play these game if they are that much trouble, well they are a lot of fun and kind of addicting, they are like cyberspace crack and I’m a straight up crackhead…but for the record, I never sucked someone off for a kill.

Well I will see you around the virtual battlefield people, and if I’m playing against, you’re welcome for the guaranteed kill, and if I’m on your team, sorry I lost the game for you and please don’t “do” my mom because of it.

MJM