“Star Wars; the Good Die Young”

My biggest complaint with the Star Wars franchise, strictly speaking from a movie standpoint, is that all the cool characters die quick and crappy deaths (i.e. Darth Maul and Boba Fett), while the really annoying characters seem to last forever (i.e. Jar Jar Binks).

I’m sure we can all agree that Darth Vader (Mr. Vader if you’re nasty) was an awesome baddie, as far as I’m concerned one of the all-time best. So us Star Wars fans didn’t really have our hopes set too high for episodes I, II and III when it came to a new villain, I mean because who could possibly top Vader.

Then along came Darth Maul, a total badass in his own right and a worthy successor to the throne of evil. He had the look, the attitude and of course not one, but two lightsabers…does it get any better then that.

Unfortunately one movie was all this stud got, and then died in a fashion that resembled something you would see in a Friday the 13th movie, split in two, come one people what were you thinking the man deserved better than that.

They tried to outdo Darth Maul with that General Grievous fella, but if you ask me it wasn’t even close. They should just have left well enough alone and let Darth Maul live on and continue to kick Jedi tail all across the universe…but no that would make way too much sense for Hollywood. 

I just wish Darth Maul would have lasted all three movies; he was the best antagonist in the new films, hands down. I mean c'mon on it's almost impossible to find someone as badass as Vader, and when they do they cut him short (pardon the pun).

Next we have the original bounty hunter, the one who made bounty hunting cool in the first place, way before Dog and with a whole lot less prayers and mullets, the man himself Boba Fett.

This man set the stage for people like Samus Aran, and if you don’t know who she is you outta be ashamed of yourself, because without him Samus would have been an intergalactic pizza delivery girl.

Fett kept it real, he didn’t need to tell people how bad he was, he showed it with his actions, and his guns and cool jetpack. He made sure he was dressed to kill, he wanted to look good when he was rounding up those bail jumpers.

When someone needed a bounty hunted they knew who to call, and no, it wasn’t the Ghostbusters, but rather the Fettmeister, the bounty hunter supreme.

Boba Fett pure awesomeness, he was the best thing since sliced astronaut ice cream, that is until he became the desert’s dessert. What a crappy ending for such a great character, he did not deserve to go out the way he did...he's like Rodney Dangerfield, he gets no respect.

They tried to make up for it by bringing in Jango Fett, but it just wasn’t the same, it lacked a certain something. It’s like when a band tries to remake a hit song, sure it’s the same song, but by no way is it just as good as the original. 

Another character that was undersold was Slave Leia, sure they didn’t kill her off, but they did make her put on more clothes…so not cool. I’ve played with my lightsaber on more than one occasion while fantasizing about her, I would have loved to use the force on her.

Okay enough complaining from me, it’s time for me to blastoff, until next time peeps…warp speed, Mr. Sulu. Sorry, I know that last line was sacrilegious to all those Star Warsians out there in cyberspace, but I just couldn’t resist.

MJM