If I was an
evil genius, hell-bent on taking over the world, what would I do?
I would
find myself a bunch of trained monkeys to my bidding, and I would call them
Republicrats, just to piss off both sides and to show them how ridiculous they
all look.
I would
make it illegal for heterosexual couples to marry, only because I don’t want
them ruining the sanctity of marriage in my new world, homosexuals okay but
anyone else no way.
I would
allow all pets to keep their junk intact, while instead spaying and neutering all
people dumb enough to align themselves with one political party or another,
because who the hell wants stupid people voting on who the next person to run
our country will be…does the name Obama ring a bell.
I would
have the penalty for all crimes committed to be death, regardless of what it is;
if you do something wrong on my watch you’re ending up in the electric chair or
covered in sugar glaze and dropped in a pit full of hungry fat people.
I would
make it legal to smack the shit out of idiots, one smack for every idiotic word
and/or action they said/made, I know this may sound cruel and unusual, but
trust me it will really make people think before they speak and/or act.
I would
have a police force dedicated to the fashion betterment of the world’s people
as a whole, they would make sure that people aren't wearing sunglasses indoors,
bomb belts under their robes and/or sagging their pants in public.
I would
make it where every bedroom in every house had to be occupied, there would be
no such thing as a “guest bedroom”, so if you happen to have an extra bedroom
you either move in a family member you can tolerate or adopt a homeless person.
I would
make the woman’s body her business, and any man and/or organization that
attempted to dictate to her how she should live and/or treat it will get their
balls clipped and made into earrings for said woman/women.
I would
make all drugs legal, but only in certain places like Florida, Utah and
Washington D.C., because that way if you wanted to do them you would have to
move to one of those specified areas (and stay in one of those areas)…and honestly
if you’ve ever been to one of these areas you would know that this wouldn’t make
much of a difference.
I would
make get rid of all thongs, men and women’s both, because there is no way that
crap is comfortable and/or healthy for you cheeks, and there is no way to
convince me otherwise.
I would implement
a mandatory pay cut to all celebrities, professional athletes and anyone else
making an exuberant amount of money for basically doing nothing, and give the
extra money to the people who truly deserve it like our teachers, police/fire
and of course the military, and if those people have a problem with the pay cut
they could always go work fastfood and/or bag groceries.
Well there
you have it, things I would do to win over the masses and allow me to rule with
an iron fist…it feels so good to be so bad.
