Monsters, we
have plenty of pictures of them (all out of focus of course), and everything we
know about them (which isn’t very much) we learned from Hollywood, but all in
all we don’t really know who they are inside, what makes them tick and why they
feel the way they do.
I compiled
a list of questions for the various monsters that we have come to know
throughout the course of our lifetime, these are things that I really wish
someone would ask them if the opportunity ever presented itself.
A way to
get to know them better if you will, because trust me people, they will be a
whole lot less scary if you knew who they were as a monster, and not just judge
a book by its cover.
1. Do
dragons light their own farts for fun?
2. Does
Bigfoot go around bragging about his shoe size to all the ladies trying to
impress them?
3. Do
zombies pull off their appendages like some kind of parlor trick, hoping to be
the life of the party?
4. Does the
blob complain about having to pay for two seats on an airplane, or does he just
suck it up and take it?
5. Does the
invisible man have bad hair days?
6. Do
unicorns feel sad because the only hat they can comfortably wear would be a
dunce cap?
7. Do
aliens, the outer space kind not the illegal kind, involve the anus in their
sexual escapades, or is it strictly for probing?
8. Do
robots do the robot dance, or do they find it offensive?
9. Does medusa
believe the whole “beauty is only skin deep” thought process, or is it, “She’s
here! She’s hideous! Get used to it!”?
10. Is a
vampire bite the same thing as a vampire hickey?
11. Do werewolves
give other werewolves cute pet names like Fido and Rover, or would such names
be considered insulting?
12. Is it
possible for Frankenstein to make it through airport security in time to catch
his flight?
13. Does the
creature from the black lagoon masturbate to pictures of mermaids or Jaws/Aquaman
if he happens to be in the gay way?
14. Does
the grim reaper celebrate birthdays, or is it against his religion?
15. If the mummy
ever ran out of toilet paper while handling his business on the pot, would he
use his wraps to clean up the hole, or just go around with pudding still left
in the bowl?
16. How
pissed would The Phantom of the Opera be if he tried out for American Idol and he
didn’t get chosen to go to Hollywood?
17. Do Evolutionist
believe that Godzilla evolve from King Kong?
18. Is
there such a thing as midget giants?
19. Do ghosts
ever watch the living have sex and mock and ridicule them and their technique?
20. Does
the chupacabra hate the fact that his name literally means to “goat sucker”, or
has he just come to accept it?
21. Is
Cookie Monster an addict, could we see a Sesame Street intervention in the near
future, or does he really just like cookies a lot?
22. Is the Hunchback
of Notre Dame depressed, is that why he hunches, or does the poor bastard just
have really bad posture?
MJM
