“Female Superhero/Villain Okay, Female on the Pole No Way”

How come the way women are depicted in comic books, hero or villain, is not considered demeaning to women, but things like rap videos and Playboy are? If the woman is doing what she wants and not being forced into anything, then why is it a bad thing, doesn’t that mean that she is an independent and strong female?

If they have the body, and want to show it off, who are we to stop them and/or make them feel bad about doing so? If they want to make their booty clap in a rap video while champagne is being poured all over them, then why do we feel the need to hate on them?

Now don’t get me wrong, as a red-blooded American male I am all for my super chicks being hotter than a volcano, I’m just wondering if it is really necessary for them all to be dressed like strippers just to fight crime and/or cause havoc in their respected cities…at least from the prospective of a woman?

I just don’t get it; you don’t see comic book chicks looking like Rosie O'Donnell, with the ability to shoot Koosh Balls, in their pages but you see plenty of babes with buns of steel and bigger breasts than what you’ll find in a bucket of KFC chicken spread throughout their pages like as if it was the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.

You’ll also see many out of shape, goofy looking dudes all over the place, there are many male heroes/villains that could pass as Alfred E. Newman’s long-lost brother, plus or minus a few pounds, but there are no Ugly Betties in these pages…why?

For some reason though women are okay with how their counterparts are depicted in these pages, they don’t seem to mind, if anything they look at it like a good thing. Is this because they are typically ass kickers, and they don’t fit the stereotypical image of what a woman is supposed to be, they aren’t frail and/or weak and/or overly sensitive?

Is it what they’re doing while wearing these outfits, or lack thereof, that makes a difference? If they are out fighting crime or trying to take over the world they’re okay, but if they’re swinging on a pole with dollar bills hanging out of their bottoms than it’s no good?

If there was a magazine full of all these scantily clad superhero/villain women in various poses would you buy it and still embrace them as you do now, or even allow your children to read it, or would you look at it like Playboy or any other kind of “filth”?

I’m obviously not a woman, well not obviously, but I’m not a woman, I’m a man baby ROAR. So I’m really just wondering why this is, I’m not hating and/or trying to disrespect anyone, I just don’t understand why it is that women aren’t protesting DC Comics and asking them to cover up Wonder Woman and turn her more modest instead of pretending to be her.

Is it some kind of double standard thingy, can I not understand why because I am from Mars and have a penis, or is there more to it that I’m just not seeing? So please just help this blind man see, why is one okay and the other wrong?

Now for the record, I’m not saying one is right and the other is wrong, so please don’t call me sexiest and put me in a nut cracker as if I was a chestnut (ouch), I’m just truly wondering what the reasoning is.

MJM

“The Big Bang Theory”

I know I may get my nerd card revoked for admitting this, but I was never really a big fan of the show, it was just kind of blah to me, nothing all that special and/or funny. I just couldn't understand all the hype, what was the big deal about this show, why did some many of my friends love it.

The other day I found out exactly why so many people liked it, and it wasn't because I brought myself to watch it to find out, but rather I was sitting at the computer when it came on and I was too lazy to reach for the remote to change the channel. I just went about my business as usual and let the show occupy the background, not really giving it a second thought.

At first it wasn't a big deal, I didn't even notice it, but then something crazy happened, I found my swivel chair turned around facing the television and watching the show instead of playing around in cyberspace. I was completely disrespecting Facebook and all the other random nonsense I partake in when I’m browsing the web, including my favorite porn sites…which by the way, I only go to for the articles.

It wasn't because of David from Roseanne, and it wasn't because I felt obligated to like it because I consider myself a nerd, but rather because of this one character that stood out above all the rest and actually maybe me laugh out loud…or LOL to you youngins.

This character’s name is Sheldon Cooper, and I found him to be freaking hilarious and oh so entertaining. He is not like anyone I've ever seen before, he spoke my language and shared my interest, he is my idol…if he told me to smoke I would, that’s how cool I think he is.

Now I can’t get enough of this fantastic dude, he is like the crack to my addict. I am jonesing for him as we speak, I may just have to go sell my DVD player in the hood so that I can buy the DVD box sets…oh wait, that wouldn't really work. Damn it you druggies, why do you make it look so easy!

Needless to say I am now a fan and will be watching the show religiously, well that is as long as he is on it, if he leaves I leave. Do you hear me producers, this is no “That ‘70s Show” and he is no Eric Forman, without him you have no show and I will be gone like that last piece of cake at a fat man convention.

Also, to all you hardheaded holdouts, give in and seek out the Sheldon, trust me you won’t be sorry. This is coming from a manly man, well okay not really manly, but I do like football if that counts for anything. So check it out and see what all the hype is about, it’s totally warranted.

Oh yeah, not only is the Sheldon character funny as poop which keeps your funny bone well fed and satisfied, the Penny chick is hot as hello operator and makes for some great eye candy. So you get funny and honey all in one show, does it get any better than this?

MJM

“Fanboys”

Now for those of you who don’t know what a fanboy is, click here.

I admit it; I used to be one of them, and to a certain extent still am. When I was younger though I was hardcore, I liked what I liked and no one was going to sway my opinion, well except if it was a hot chick, because we all know T & A supersedes personal favorites and/or any nerd/geek alliance.

I’m also not trying to sound sexist by saying boy instead of “fanpeople”, there are fangirls out there, but for the most part it’s males who fall under this heading, because females are normally too smart to waste their time with this nonsense.

I’ve been a apart of some of the normal everyday fanboy battles, like for example Marvel vs. DC, Star Wars vs. Star Trek and of course Nintendo vs. Sega…and if you don’t know what these things are, you outta be ashamed of yourself.

Then there are the battles that I prefer not to talk about and/or even admit to, but for the sake of this blog I am going to share them. Please go easy on me and do me a favor and just keep it between us here.

The first embarrassing fanboy battle I’ve been a part of would have to be Transformers vs. Go-Bots, and not because of the battle itself, but rather because of what side I chose. I was young and dumb, trying to be an individual, so I went with the Go-Bots even though I knew they were the inferior product.

I fought tooth and nail on many occasions to prove why my Go-Bots were better than everyone else’s Transformers, even when I knew without a shadow of a doubt that they weren’t. Thankfully I finally wised up and jumped on the Transformers bandwagon before it was too late.

And if anyone who brought up the whole Go-Bots debacle I just denied it all and claimed they were lying; they were trying to make me look bad amongst all my peers.

The next one is really hard to admit to, there is no silver lining, it’ is just completely ridiculous. This battle I speak of is Garbage Pail Kids vs. Cabbage Patch Kids.

We all know that for the most part one has nothing to do with the other, of course besides Garbage Pail Kids using the Cabbage Patch Kids likeness that is. My sisters had Cabbage Patch Kids, I had to have something to counteract them, so I went with the closest thing I could find.

In all reality I believe this battle came about because I really wanted my own Cabbage Patch Kid that I could name and love, but I was too afraid to admit it and had to find some way to attack it and hide my true feelings.

Unfortunately there are some fanboy battles that cross gender lines, like for example He-Man vs. She-Ra. Not that either is really bad in itself, but back then the opposite sex had cooties and boys didn’t play with dolls…we played with action figures.  

While I will always be a fanboy, I have matured over time, so there will be no more childish battles, now I’ll battle about things such as which sports team is better and which chick is hotter…you know, grownup stuff.  

There you have it, my true confessions of a fanboy, I hope you enjoyed it and didn’t laugh at me and/or mock me all that much. Remember, I may be a nerd, but I have feelings too.

Oh yeah, by the way, in case you're wondering, Marvel, Tie and of course Nintendo...suck it!

MJM

“The Misadventures of Shit Streak and Alaska Girl: The Origin Story”

This is the story of a mild-mannered blogger, who while sitting at his desk eating donuts and tapping away on his keyboard and staring out the window, decided he had enough and was going to do something about it.

The streets were getting more dangerous and the people were getting naughty, there was no doubt they would be on Santa’s list and only be opening coal on Christmas morning. Knowing something needed to be done he had no choice but to take matters into his own hands.

He was an awkward man in his late thirties; who could not tie his shoe without getting winded, but he couldn’t let that stop him from doing what needed to be done. He could not just sit idly by anymore and watch the world he knew and loved turn into poop, something had to change.

If things were to get better he would have to become justice, he would have to become a hope and he would have to be what criminals feared, he would have to become the big scary guy in the prison shower looking to stick his man meat in-between some buns.

He also understood that if he was going to become this hero of the people that he would have to protect his identity, not just for his sake, but also for his family and friend’s. He read enough comic books to know that doing this would protect his loved ones from all those baddies out there who would be looking to exact revenge on him.

Now being broke he had to improvise, so he slid his tighty whities down off of his kiester and onto the floor, then over his head to conceal his identity. He used the openings for the legs as eyeholes, and he poked his nose through the slit in the front.

Unfortunately though, he had not wiped too well since the last time he used the bathroom, so his undies were covered with shit streaks and emitted a foul stench….so that was how he came to be known as Shit Streak! 

To complete his costume, because we all know he couldn’t just run around with underwear on his head and his goods all exposed and flapping around like a fish out of water, he stopped by his local thrift store to purchase the rest of his crime fighting ensemble.  

Thankfully they were having a sale, so he was able to pick up a bed sheet to use as a cape, a pair of used 80s gym shorts to protect his manhood, an “I’m with Stupid” T-shirt and some cowboy boots all for a good price…and now that he was all dressed, it was time to kick some donkey.

Sure I looked like Richard Simmons on crack, and smelt like a porta-potty on a hot summer day at a construction site, but it was all for the good of mankind…so it was worth it. I also took a black marker and drew an “S” on my shirt, but in this case it didn’t stand for super. Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do.

They may not be able see him lurking in the shadows, but they sure as hell will always smell him coming, they will know what fear (and poop) smells like. The next time you’re up to no good, and it starts smelling like someone just farted, you better kiss your ass goodbye because Shit Streak is about to get jiggy with it.

Thankfully Shit Streak never really has to fight anyone, because we all know he would get his clock cleaned, all the so-called “bad boys” ran from him because they don’t want to be touched by someone who runs around with shitty draws on his head.

He knew that people need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and he couldn’t do that as MJM. As a man, he is flesh and blood, he can be ignored, he can be destroyed; but as a symbol... as a symbol he can be incorruptible, he can be everlasting…at least that’s what Batman said in Batman Begins.

Due to all the good deeds Shit Streak has done, he was invited to a convention…okay, not really invited, but he was going to crash that bitch like nobody’s business because he was Shit Streak!

He walked into the room, strutting his stuff like he was the man, passing by all the adult babies who were dressed up as their favorite comic book characters. The crowd of nerds parted just like as if he was Moses and they were the Red Sea, but not because they respected him, but because he smelled like stale shit.

The whole time keeping an active eye on the crowd, and the booth babes, making sure there was no troublemakers and/or hot chick cosplay cleavage. Then out of nowhere he spotted her, no not his true love, but the woman who was known as Alaskan Girl.

He knew right away that it was a match made in hell, and by hell, I mean the hell that all those slimy criminals will be in who were about to get theirs asses kicked by a newly formed idiotic duo. He slowly started making his way towards her, pretending not to care, or wet himself, due to the fact that she was a chick.

To be continued…

Find out what Alaska Girl was doing this whole time over at: http://misplacedalaskan.com/1598/the-misadventures-of-shit-streak-and-alaska-girl-and-so-it-begins

MJM